TATUNG! [entries|friends|calendar] Elliotte J. Darwin [ website | human error ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(3 | take note.) [25 Sep 2004|09:22am] we all die sometime.

(2 | take note.) so what i am just waiting on a movie yet released? [30 Aug 2004|07:50pm] [ mood | more than mathmatics ] [ music | more than sound ] i questioned my on-coming adulthood because i was comparing it to my childhood...i questioned my gorgeous array of light and happiness and love and lust because i was comparing them to past hurt and crashing...i questioned myself because i was comparing failure with experience. veronica...i am so foolish. i know what i want to apologize for now though...and sorry i am doing this on here but i had to say it one way or another (and i called but you weren't home)...ijust want to say i apologize for never trying. i have been a bad person, i have been a bad boyfriend...but alas i have found the path, once again. i will love you as you should be loved...always.

(2 | take note.) dripping plans of steel and heart. [23 Aug 2004|01:58pm] [ mood | beautiful present, lovely past ] [ music | coldplay ] today i believe i am going to take a shower, hopefully pick up miss lovely veron latter in the evening, rent some horrible romantic comedies, order out for pizza, and than just chillax with my loved one. tis the last day before school. oh well, i am ready for the year. quite ready. time for me to put forth my more so responsible side. i just think to myself if i get good grades than i can get a car, which would be amazing for the fact of me moving out this coming summer, which also means operation job hunt shall become quite more so extreme! than community college. and than after that its heartbreak, loss to horrid college frat boy sex squads, and deprivation for the rest of my life as i move onto the writing studio...unhappily ever after. hopefully maryland would be accepting of me... and hopefully operation self discipline gets the best of me.

(2 | take note.) little sister loves her indigoes. [18 Aug 2004|12:11pm] [ mood | rifles and agents ] [ music | zwan ] time for a life check-up. well i applied for borders and i am hoping i get a call back...i would enjoy working there. i have been sleeping quite well lately. my cigarette smoking has gone way down yet my t.h.c.onnection is up, ahh well. i have learned i am a very jealous person, but i like it...haven't cared this much about something since ole taradac. i am in love, have an amazing girlfrend. i am hoping my fashion senses come back with cold weather...they have been coming back here/there this summer, but not that much. i really want to sing in a band, again. perhaps i will excerise this year...i am definitely planning on maturing a bit. i think i have matured quite well lately though...taking more responcibility and all that jazz. i have been keeping up well on reading...keeping my mind going...writing. i have discovered parts of the whole yet i still feel smothered. i wonder if i will be happy when i move out? oh, i have an apartment on hold for this coming june at sugar tree. nothing amazingly nice but nice enough. and moving out is moving out. i am not going to graduate this year, sadly...but i am going to finish my senior year off and than finish of my last three or so needed credits off at mott, while also starting college...so YAY for me and being well rounded in my latter teen years. i am going to be eighteen in under a month which will probably lead to more cigarette smoking, and a down in drugs for fact of my aging self and jobs and such. i plan on getting a car by winter, which will be amazing and much needed. i want to expand myself and i really do not know why i feel so enclosed at the moment...oh silly ordeals. well my confidence has risen quite highly and my intelligence has grown quite a bit since the beginning of summer. i have definitely been pushing myself mentaly and emotionally this summer. i think soon i will be able to take myself seriously... well anyhow, if anyone is up for starting something smooth, kind of soft/weird but not too slow and indie and need a singer...i am all for it.

(6 | take note.) [14 Aug 2004|12:07pm] [ mood | five fabulous nights ] [ music | jigga ] "don't you like to groove in your hoopty on your old flip flops or choose to wear your tennis shoes, does it matter to you that outkast we got that skunk for y'all keep that bump for y'all? when i am in the mood i rock the f stop tennis shoes, at the interlude i got the gucci flip flops, and i ritz it up like jenna juice, when i'm in the interviews, they want to know where i got that."-Jigga/outkast. amen...my wants for my upcoming 18th. -gucci flip flops (in army green preferably). -the zwan l.p. -veronica. -a new white button up. -a hip, brown jacket. -shiny white dress shoes. -some new hip pants. -some new reading material (haruki or vladimir). -a vehicular object. -a pack of jades. -speed. -block of cheese. -grand rapids (but only the nice parts of the city). -PUSSY! (and by that i mean a cute, little siamese kitten). thats all.

(9 | take note.) the softer side of empty rooms. [13 Aug 2004|03:43pm] [ mood | vacancy and color television ] [ music | bob dylan. forever young ] so i was laying in bed...peddling and pouting. thinking of veronica's different facial expressions...the laughter, the sad days, the times of overwhelming, the understanding smiles, the silly, the serious...the whole shabang and i came upon a healthy realization. i miss her horribly as i knew i would, and i have always loved her...but yesterday i came to fully understand how important she is in my life, and how much she means to me. i have never needed people, people have always just come to seem to be a waste of time sooner or later...but not her. and the more i understand myself, the more i think i am taking her for granted. i try my best to treat her like a queen, i always make sure she is happy, no matter what i try to do for her...i am missing that alot...i like making her happy. i never really did shit for people...never felt it was worth it but once again, she changes everything. i think i forgot lately who i am...she is always such a sweet reminder. i miss you, so. but just a couple more days until oxygen release... its been too long, but i love you as much as ever.

(5 | take note.) an invitation to a childhood memory or a suicide letter? you decide. [12 Aug 2004|03:08pm] [ mood | fashion queen ] [ music | big boi ] last night i was locked in a bathroom for over six hours and through this i came upon one steady conclusion upon returning home...i have to kill myself. and i know what your thinking...but this isn't depression...this is just pure fact. i tried earlier with a knife...i cut myself up but it was too slow and painful...so i figured back to the drawing board i go... so i am thinking i huff gasoline for a good fifteen minutes in the garage and than finish off my last three camels...go out with a bang. i mean i was imploding all along. hahahahahahahahahahaha hahhahahahahahha hhahahahhah hahahah hahah hah ha h keep building those pyramids. SORRY ABOUT THAT KIDS...I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND AND I COULDN'T FIND MY BIG BOI (OUTKAST) C.D. SO I WAS GETTING A LITTLE CRAZY...BUT I FOUND IT, AND I AM BUMPING WITH MY FAVORITE THUG, ONCE AGAIN. ITS ALLLLL GOOD...BUT RIN TIN TIN, YOU CAN STILL TAKE MY STUFF.

(4 | take note.) counting the last blue bread days. [11 Aug 2004|04:03pm] [ mood | miles and tiffany ] [ music | bob dylan ] was pondering on how soon my ship mate, ryan jamal gregory, and i shall return to the over whelming amount of hicks, trolls, and club idiots who think donnie darko was a king of film and culture. and thus from that i was thinking to myself of separation. i love the gang... ryan, ryan, andrew, and i...and last night on the tracks and the awkward come-uppance, i came upon many realizations of who we are, and our progressions of understanding. i still view clio as a waste of space, that would not effect the world in the least if it was completely evaporated, yet i think to myself if it wasn't for clio ryan gregory nor andrew would be...and where would our unacknowledged sense of adventure be than? no where! if it wasn't for the gang, veronica, drugs and my run in of troubles and wash-ups,life would be quite obsolete. so to you my almighty quad, to you my amazing lover, to you pills, viles, grass, and other toxins, and to you my mistakes i thank you...for everything, to you my life. (ha.)

(11 | take note.) basement bottoms. [10 Aug 2004|12:53pm] [ mood | highway 61 revisited ] [ music | bob dylan ] four of the most all-mighty (white aj, r.g., hnatiuk of the north, and i) are forming a bowling league...are you willing to form your own and take us on? WELL LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!

(4 | take note.) studies of eastern culture and our lament. [08 Aug 2004|12:20pm] [ mood | sun apartments ] [ music | bobby dylan ] i am in the mood to get lost in another city's history. perhaps somewhere besides the midwestern collective and fuck that east coast bullshit...i have to make it to the islands. not for sunny vacation, but more so to finish my last bits of my youthful magic and behold the night. what do i need? revive yourself! i need a new pack of turks, i need to pick up that q and not u e.p, i need the second d.j. spooky album, the weaks need to put out a new album, i need the three new songs that ole bobby d has been playing with, i need you back home, i need to spend the next three nights with you, i need to show you the creep love, i need constant cold weather, i need my transfer, i no longer need drugs, i need a good time. what do i love? REVIVE YOURSELF! i love my latest writings, the script and the soundtrack, i love my comic ideas, i love my idealisms, i love you, i love us, i love me, i love how everyone else is just atmosphere when i am with you, i love my piano, i love the jazz in my room, i love the top light instead of the arm light, i would love to have a pack of turks, i love being clean and pure, i love good talk, of theology, of philosophy, of love. i love. those are my only concerns. when you get back home, we are going to go to grand rapids and get coffee...talk of silly disgust and of a home and of us and of your travels. amen. perhaps bring the boys and their significants. today i am going to try and get out, pick up the smokes, write a bit, draw up some comics perhaps, maybe go to the noise show for the hell of it, got work at grandmothers i need to do but oh well, hopefully father isn't being a dick. ode to a new. "that son of bitch is brave and getting braver!"-bobby d. that line goes out to stefaun behan.

(4 | take note.) an unreliable chemical in god's porch party ice tea. [31 Jul 2004|09:51am] [ mood | sinking into the dreary. ] [ music | pink floyd ] oh christ, i haven't realized until just upon awaking this morning how fucking disgusting i have become...such a sincere ugly...such a drought. i note my self defeat as i sit and analyze pulp influence with the origins of pink floyd, as i sit and think of my last high and await my next, as i sit and brainstorm yet never build, as i sit and dream of cigarette vertigo and try to put placement to my awkward uncomfortable state, as i sit and waste time, as i sit. a waste. i know i just need to learn to manage myself...all these things are possible of doing...i think i should kill my father. everytime i think of why i can't get out and do all the things i need to do to make my day better it comes down to one thing...my father. all bad things in my life always comes out with the same answer though...oh shite. there is hope for me, there is hope for us, there is hope for a FUTURE! the talk and touch, oh the talk and touch. {tal/tou}aging...NEVER! i really hope i can move out next fall. i hate this fucking house, this stupid, ignorant town, and all that dead. i miss people...dare i say...i miss my friends. the times, oh the times! -i love veronica matthews. -i love all my friends. -i want to move out. -i need to get a job. -i want to start the comic. -i want to go more places. -i want to take you more places. plus forget what i said, there is soooooooooooo much more that i must show/teach you....a life times worthe of new beginnings and personal knowledge.

(2 | take note.) note to self. [29 Jul 2004|01:29pm] [ mood | ready for a curve ] -replace emotional passion with raw lust and change name. -from there let the changes flow like radiance in eden.

(2 | take note.) construction. [25 Jul 2004|01:05pm] [ mood | numbers and color. ] [ music | the beatles. ] so much for buildings, i guess thats not how i work. i wonder how much clocks can really do for you...seriously because i found another big fuck up in my life. i (somewhere along the line) started taking time to heart. i mean hell i awoke this morning and i can barely depict the pictures between the tan, white, and blue stripes on my bathroom walls, let alone walk. oh but sweet, sweet sister how i confuse you...oh but how i love you, none the less. the way your face scrunches in happiness and elongates when sadness drapes your smooth, pale skin. i doubt i will get to see you today...oh and today isn't just a normal day. no, not today, my love. today is a beatle's library day. the scene and the soundtrack and the whole bang. i don't know perhaps its the depression that makes me hate like i do, and perhaps single cell isn't quite the answer, but you know what on a day like this it does't matter. fore on a day like this we can spin and spin and spin while listening to penny lane under the intoxication of various narcotics and just soak in the entire sky until we meet the apocolypse...and after that there will be nothing left to but vanish, and i don't know about you, but, to me, that sounds absolutely perfect. oh, yes, we are.

(20 | take note.) [21 Jul 2004|05:35pm] this friday at the local i will be playing an acoustic set, be there if you would be so kind. i will be playing first around 7:00. i am playing with some neato bands like here in tokyo and ari thanos and such.

(take note.) conclusion time. [20 Jul 2004|05:53pm] well looks like i am in high demand...time for me to schedule a show or two!

(28 | take note.) poll for a lazy, balding, slacker like myself to feel the need to do something. [19 Jul 2004|11:48pm] [ mood | killer. ] [ music | music ] who wants me to play an acoustic/solo show...if i get atleast ten comments to play i will start scheduling shows if not, too fucking bad for you guys who want to hear it.

(13 | take note.) sit here among the vine table with me (no more paper cups). [16 Jul 2004|10:52am] [ mood | impatient. ] [ music | the beatles. real love ] the composition of today: soundtrack:beatles, iron and wine, beck, london suede, and lets get sweet and sappy to a little sunny day. food: sushi. objectives:sweet, sweet, love veronica (the first appearance in over 6 days), love (subtle yet seductive), saganos, a wee bit of narcotics, ballroom dancing, fashion shopping, and perhaps some old friends. the mood: open end folk (including the open feel of sunny fields), classy catch up (story telling over tea), and expert sexual developings (a little bit of country house mixed with a london suite). conclusion: a beautiful, beautiful day to be carried out with a beautiful, beautiful love.

(take note.) a rush of pale green from the maryland alley. [14 Jul 2004|05:17pm] [ mood | pale and evergreen. ] [ music | brazil ] we sat on the portable platform. so old yet so young, so entwined in eachother's grasping view. blaring from the maryland downtown street was the leftover decibals of enthusiastic, one sylable drivel and memorabilia laughter. there was a litter of familiar faces scattered about below us, but you know me...i can never stand those people. all those painted faces with yesterday's carnival and todays acid trip... i should continue this...via comatose.

(9 | take note.) i've been dialing the music box number. [13 Jul 2004|06:55am] [ mood | a part ] [ music | modest mouse. the ocean breathes salty ] yesterday was filled with an awkward since of understanding and social remorse. oh and also about yesterday, i don't know if you kids are familiar with a rap group called the dayton family but yea...thats who i bought weed from. kind of crazy..and kind of intimidating, but neat none the less. but anyhow...i went to bed, last night, with a sincere feeling of emptiness, i miss my ghost, i miss the haunting glow she leaves on me and all about my room. but the entire night was a grand sleep...i felt her presence there in the room, and oddly enough i awoke this morning to find a note on my desk (it had probably been there for awhile, but i hadn't noticed it before). it read, "i love you with my whole heart." it was a flash of light in the dark, awkward to the eyes yet much needed and quite fierce. hopfully she calls today.

(7 | take note.) i am once again using my carny fingers to paint the big top picture. [10 Jul 2004|10:35pm] [ mood | jazzy ] [ music | kinetic stereokids. free money ] i put the suit back on and researched all those pretty girly twists and curves. i tied the scarf around my neck and retaught every last dance step to myself. i ripped up my poor, country baby writing and threw my jazz hands in the air...what came next, you may drivel? well what other than substance...i mean seriously, what else can you do after grand plot resolving than get high. can i get an amen? AMEN! i fulfilled the scripture black book with train sex, class work drug fillies, and the most uplifting versions of dictionary mind games. oh and know this...your body is the only instrument i care to play. (its true, i often lose myself, but as often i do return.)

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]